Friday, March 18, 2016
Link to the 1st podcast....
AudioRising PodCast 1
So I was kinda proud of myself as I posted the 1st PodCast. It was an internal thing. Heart level. I had to get past my head. The audio wasn't what I wanted, and I had NO script at all. Just me sitting in front of my mike rambling on. Even my pop filter was AWOL. BUT...I let it go. I LET it be anything but perfect. I had to talk myself into it, but I did it.
This may seem like a small or simple thing, but not for me. I don't particularly think of myself as someone with OCD. I used to have a seemingly mild form back when I was a kid. Eons ago. I watch my family deal with it, but it wasn't until I got into recovery that I noticed just how serious it was for one or two members of my family of origin. The way it's always been portrayed on TV is this totally debilitating compulsion; like the hand washing we all see/hear about. The germaphobic aspect made sense to me, to an extent, but I always became annoyed at my family members for getting so caught up in that stuff.
Later on in recovery, I began to notice that, when I was around them, I noticed more and more behavior that got on my nerves! Had I been raised in a culture of fear and compulsion along with the enabling and alcoholism I was already aware of!?
I guess in my case it could be called being a "perfectionist." But I'm not! I can leave a t-shirt on the back of a chair for 2 or 3 days. I can remind myself that I need to put my tools away, but forget for a week.
Yet when it comes to "putting myself out there", nothing is ever good enough.